Birth Control Jokes

    Back to Birth control, the oldest funny joke about, was developed in India where the Indian government promised 1000 Rupees (about 30 bucks at those days) for vasectomy operation.
My friend Gordon was one of the government subcontractors charging 20 bucks per man. The local governor asked him how can he do it for such a low price so Gordon explain his procedure. "My staff holds two stones and claps the man's testicles". The governor asked him "Do it hurts?", "yep" replied Gordon, "we replace the operators every hour"

   Another old joke was told about in China, but was imported to the USA.
After their 8th child, Bobby and Sue an Alabama couple decided they must shutoff the production line. Bobby went to his vet and asked his advice. The vet told him he should have a vasectomy procedure at the Hospital or he offer a DIY job which is very cheap. Bobby was poor so of course he asked the vet about the DIY.
The vet instructed Bobby "Now go home, get a firework bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count one to ten ." So Bobby went back home, lit a firework bomb put it in a can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count! One, Two, Three, Four Five.....here Bobby paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand. Boom....... they gone LOL.
p.s. This procedure also works in Georgia, Tennessee, SC, NC, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri, and Washington DC.

Funny song by Australian folk singer John Williamson, from live gig in '83. Lyrics below, enjoy! Source

It's just a modern world we live in, but why do they pick on me
Why just the other week my missus had the cheek to talk me into a va-sec-tom-y
At first it never clicked that I was gettin' nicked, I thought it was to test verility
Than after I went through it, ten days we couldn't do it and then the doctor said to me I couldn't believe it folks - He said please blow into this bag, please sir
What? - to test your capability
I beg your pardon? - we're cutting down on accidents
I said are you fair dinkum - He said please blow into this bag and we'll see Well - I couldn't believe it at first but you know what they say about doctors orders
So he gave me the little bag and ushered me into the little room with all the pin-ups
Grubby little room it was, too, and I came back with my little bag
And the doctor was quite satisfied, and so was I It's just a modern world we live in, there's knew fangled things every day
The cop said I was speedin', accordin' to his readin'
But I was three kilometers away
I was feelin' pretty mad when he took out his pad, I tried to stay as calm as I could be
He found a bawldy tread, he saw my eyes were red
And then he said this strange thing to me - I said what again? He said please blow into this bag, please sir
I said hang on - to test your capability
What? - we're cutting down on accidents
I said are you fair dinkum - He said please blow into this bag and we'll see Well this time I really was shaken up, the cop could see I was a bit excited
He said well you better take a good grip on yourself son
So I went around behind a big gum tree and came back with my little bag
Well you can imagine what happened It's just a modern world we live in, I'm feelin' very sad and pale
The judge said I was sick and threw me in the nick
And missus said she wouldn't pay the bail

So take it from a fool like me, beware of quacks and boys in blue
I'm feelin' pretty bruised so don't you get confused
I'd catch a train if I was you-ou All together now - please blow into this bag, please sir
Ahh, It sends a shiver down my spine
Please blow into this bag, please sir