May 27, 2013

The Pastor And Hussain

Gordon sent me that old joke which became these days actual again.

Hussain and his parents were traveling the Metro. They take the seats next to a local Pastor. 
Hussain asked the Pastor, why he wore his collar backwards.

The Pastor explains: "I am a Father."
Hussain replied, "Look at my Daddy, he doesn’t wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ”I am the Father of many."

Hussain said, ”My Dad has four boys, four girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way!"
The priest, getting impatient, said. "I am the Father of hundreds", and went back to reading his book.
Little Hussain sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, “Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar.” Source

May 21, 2013

Customer Fishing

If your business is looking for more customers, take my advise and hire a specialist who will think out of the box and will create some great traps so ordinary people will became your customers. My friend Morse sent me that great clip, hilarious.

All the Suckers are drinking coffee

Gordon had just given his teenage daughter family-car privileges.
On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party. 
The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30 AM the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?"
"Not too late, Dad." she replied nervously.
Dead-panned, her father said, "Then, my precious one, I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England  Source

May 20, 2013

Car Drives Into Store

 One night Bobby returns very late from his office. Dee his wife well comed him with a sexy dress and a glass of wine. she turned on the music and start dancing a great belly dance.

Bobby sits on the sofa while Dee smeared about him. Bobby became hot, but then Dee asked him "did you ever saw a wrinkled 50 bucks bill?" Bobby nodded. Dee then draw a wrinkled 50 bucks bill from her bra. Dee continued with the dance and then asked "did you ever saw a wrinkled 100 bucks bill?" again Bobby nodded. so Dee starts giving him a hand job and draw from her pants the most wrinkled 100 bucks bill you ever imagine.
Dee now start taking off her dress and asks "Bobby do you want to see 30,000 bucks wrinkled?" Now off course Bobby got horny cause Dee was naked and he tried to imagine where the hell is the dough hiding.
Now Dee told him "they are in front of the seven eleven on Market street".

May 13, 2013

Judge Abe vs Lady Amy

When I was a teenager we used to sneak from school spending hours at the court rooms. My best friend Lee dragged us to the most interested trials. Of course the most interested cases were about pimps and prostitutes. At those years all the whores used the nickname La Douce because of the great movie Irma La Douce .
So one of the whores were an old lady looking about 70 years and when the Judge asked for her name? she looked around the audience which most of them were her colleagues and replied  "Doris La Douce" The Judge smiled and proceeds "how come?" she told him she was a "working girl" for fifty years and now she is the Madam but she had many young customers suffering the Oedipus complex  and she gave them good time. 

Here I collected for you two old jokes, about old ladies which may cut off your head and shit down your throat.

Lady Dee
Judge: "Will you tell us, Mrs Dee, what happened the night of April 1st?
Dee: "I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me."
Judge: "Did you know him?"
Dee: "No, but he looks friendly."
Judge: "What happened after he sat down?"
Dee: "He started to rub my thigh."
Judge: "Did you stop him?"
Dee: "No, I didn't"
Judge: "Why not?"
Dee: "It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago."
Judge: "What happened next?"
Dee: "He began to play my nipples".
Judge: "Why didn't you stop him then?"
Dee: "He made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!"
Judge: "What happened next?"
Dee: "Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me now!"
Judge: "What happened next?"
Dee: "Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot him, the little bastard"
p.s.The picture is for illustration only - source

Shameless Attorneys 

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, Mrs Amy an elderly grandmother to the stand. He approached her and asked; "Mrs.Amy, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs.. Amy, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes I know him."

The defense attorney almost fainted.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said:
"If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both behind bars for five years"

May 6, 2013

You Can Always Cheat Your Polish Husband

You do not need to understand Polish or Czech to get the punchline of that VJOKE.
The husband returned home and meet Janek naked on his balcony.

After Janek bolts the dickhead got the idea "Janek was screwing my wife".
If you like it please send it to all your Polish friends - LOL.

Anyway now you may love reading another funny story about another horny husband which find his wife Dee cheating and act very quick and bold.

Abe comes home from work early because he's convinced that his wife Dee is having an affair and he wants to catch her in flagrante delicto.  So he tears through the apartment way up on the 10th floor of a luxury apartment building.  Dee chases him around the apartment shouting at him "have you lost your mind, are you crazy, what kind of woman do you think I am etc etc."  Abe finds no one in the closets, under the beds, in the shower etc. read more

Oscar Wilde vs Alexandre Dumas Audio Books

Nobody has time to read books or to listen to audiobooks, but during chatting you may listen and enjoy some great audiobooks.

1. AN IDEAL HUSBAND by Oscar Wilde - FULL Audio Book

2. THE SOUL OF MAN by Oscar Wilde - FULL Audio Book

3. PRIDE AND PREJUDICE by Jane Austen - Full Audio Book
Pride and Prejudice is a novel by Jane Austen, first published in 1813. The story follows the main character Elizabeth Bennet as she deals with issues of manners, upbringing, morality, education, and marriage in the society of the landed gentry of early 19th-century England. Elizabeth is the second of five daughters of a country gentleman living near the fictional town near London.

Though the story is set at the turn of the 19th century, it retains a fascination for modern readers, continuing near the top of lists of 'most loved books' such as The Big Read.[1] It has become one of the most popular novels in English literature and receives considerable attention from literary scholars. Modern interest in the book has resulted in a number of dramatic adaptations and an abundance of novels and stories imitating Austen's memorable characters or themes. 

4. HEART OF DARKNESS by Joseph Conrad - FULL Audio Book  

5. THE THREE MUSKETEERS by Alexandre Dumas- FULL Audio Book - Part 1 of 3
The Three Musketeers (French: Les Trois Mousquetaires) is a novel by Alexandre Dumas, first serialized in March--July 1844. Set in the 17th century, it recounts the adventures of a young man named d'Artagnan after he leaves home to travel to Paris, to join the Musketeers of the Guard. D'Artagnan is not one of the musketeers of the title; those are his friends Athos, Porthos, and Aramis, inseparable friends who live by the motto "all for one, one for all" ("un pour tous, tous pour un"), a motto which is first put forth by d'Artagnan.[1]
The story of d'Artagnan is continued in Twenty Years After and The Vicomte of Bragelonne: Ten Years Later. Those three novels by Dumas are together known as the d'Artagnan Romances.
In 1625 d'Artagnan, a poor young nobleman leaves his family in Gascony and travels to Paris with the intention of joining the Musketeer of the Guard.
However, en route, at an inn in Meung-sur-Loire, an older man derides d'Artagnan's horse and, feeling insulted, d'Artagnan demands to fight a duel with him. The older man's companions beat d'Artagnan unconscious with a pot and a metal tong that breaks his sword; his letter of introduction to Monsieur de Tréville, the commander of the Musketeers, is stolen. D'Artagnan resolves to avenge himself upon the man, who is later revealed to be the Comte de Rochefort, an agent of Cardinal Richelieu, who is in Meung to pass orders from the Cardinal to Milady de Winter, another of his agents.

In Paris, d'Artagnan visits de Tréville at the headquarters of the Musketeers, but the meeting is overshadowed by the loss of his letter, and de Tréville refuses his application to join. From de Tréville's window, d'Artagnan sees Rochefort passing in the street below and rushes out of the building to confront him, but in doing so he separately causes offense to three of the Musketeers, Athos, Porthos, and Aramis, who each demand satisfaction; D'Artagnan must duel each of them in turn that afternoon.

   THE THREE MUSKETEERS by Alexandre Dumas- FULL Audio Book - Part 2 of 3

   THE THREE MUSKETEERS by Alexandre Dumas - FULL Audio Book - Part 3 of 3