Sep 30, 2011

Shortage of Toilet Paper

Uncle Thomas told me many stories, about the hard times in Russia after WW2.  Shortage of food, shortage of cigarettes and no toilet paper at all!! Cause every piece of paper in the country, was dedicated for printing books and newspapers. So the people used newspapers to wipe in their bum. Okay but what if you need to deliver some package at the restroom and you can't find any newspaper, cause you used it to smoke a cigarette made of your newspaper? then you must learn the basic lesson that each Russian learned it as a kid. using bus tickets, to wipe your bum. Okay here is your bus ticket, remember you should keep it in your pocket. 

To tell the true I searched the web several times for such a clip, and couldn't find it, so I decide to prepare it, but finally I found it right now so I share that old Vjoke with you.

Bus Ticket to wipe your bum.

Machorka Cigarettes - Made of cheap tobacco and cigarettes butts rolled up in newspaper. These Machorka cigarettes were popular in Poland and Russia During WW2 till the sixties.


Last Update - My friend sent me a great clip about a paperless world, so in order to save our rain forests we develop a new application for our Tablets and/ or our smartphones.
Wipe your butt virtually with our Google map, and wash it down using the Youtube.

Sep 28, 2011

Aggressive Monkeys

The man is big, but the monkey is quick and bold, he punched the man in the face. Hahahaha.

Monkey in China - Stop animal cruelty!!!

The Monkey Attacks a little girl OMG!

Monkey Attacks Man - That's animal cruelty!!
Monkey licks the tits

Rude Monkey

Sep 24, 2011

There Will Come Soft Rains

One of my friends mentioned once, the short story (4p) There will come soft rains by Ray Bradbury (1950) I recommend to read it here  link and after reading it I had sniffed around and found a connection to the poem and a clip.

"There Will Come Soft Rains" is a 12-line poem by Sara Teasdale in her collection Flame and Shadow, published in 1920. The subject of the poem imagines nature reclaiming the earth after humanity has been wiped out by a war (line 7). Source

There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,
And swallows circling with their shimmering sound;
And frogs in the pool singing at night,
And wild plum trees in tremulous white;
Robins will wear their feathery fire,
Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;
And not one will know of the war, not one
Will care at last when it is done.
Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,
If mankind perished utterly;
And Spring herself when she woke at dawn
Would scarcely know that we were gone.

There will fall soft rains - animation

There will fall soft rains by DublinBen

Sep 23, 2011

Kids Abuse vs Animal Cruelty

Check that clip and let me hear how they trained that five years old kid? my opinion only poor people will treat their children like that.  why no one, sew his parents?  link

When he was four (4) years old he was trained by weight lifting, just crazy. see link 

Another poor kid nine (9) years old working hard for his parents!!

Now what about that artist? my opinion that's animal cruelty too.

Super chill monkey does Hollywood

Sep 18, 2011

Another Gay Rooster

Uncle Thomas once told me that old joke about his friend Jeff who lives in a huge ranch 25 miles north of his farm. Jeff goes out one day and buys a brand new rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster starts fighting the old rooster and says, "OK, old fart, time to retire, or I will kill you." The old rooster replies, "Come on, you can't handle all these chickens alone. Let's share the job, just let me have half a dozen of the old chickens?"

The young rooster says, "Get lost, I'm taking over." The old rooster says "I'll tell you what, let's have a race around the farmhouse for three rounds. Whoever wins, gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop." The young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old fart, so just to be fair, I'll give you a head start."

The old rooster takes off running. About three seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. Tommy Jeff's son called him "Dad look at the new rooster he must be gay" Jeff as he sees the two roosters chasing each other, shot his gun and killed the young rooster

Jeff called uncle Thomas "Damn...second gay rooster I've bought this month, tomorrow I need you to help me purchasing a macho rooster ."

A Macho Rooster

My uncle Thomas has a huge chicken coop in his farm. At the last bird flu epidemic, he lost a couple of hundred chickens and his black rooster. Uncle Thomas went to the other state to buy a new rooster. he was sniffing around and finally came to a small farm. He convinced the owner to sell him his biggest rooster for five grand.
Uncle Thomas took the rooster home, put him in front of the coop. He told him his duties and he gave the rooster a name Mister Schwartz (German - black).  "take it easy, Mr. Schwartz, take care on yourself cause you cost me a fortune"

Picture Source: bootbearwdc  and Animal Photos!

Mister Schwartz starts his job, immediately he treated each of the 90 hens one by one. Uncle Thomas was watching him and got worried, he calls the rooster explaining him "Mister Schwartz, slow down, take care if you are gonna to continue like that you are finished within a week" The rooster winked and went to treat the Turkeys. The day after the Ducks and the Geese came to complain about Mister Schwartz who is fucking each of the birds in the farm. Uncle Thomas called again the rooster telling him to slow down cause he needs him for long term service. "Take it easy, leave all the birds of the farm, your job are the chickens only, relax  you cost me a fortune"

On his third day Mister Schwartz screwed the dogs, the cats and the sheep too. all the animals of the farm bolt away from the  rooster, but he didn't rest for a moment, he nailed them one by one. once again uncle Thomas warn the rooster "Take it easy, stop fucking, leave all the birds and the animals  alone, you just treat the chickens, you cost me a fortune"

The next day at noon, uncle Thomas returned home and suddenly saw his rooster looks dead and a huge vulture circling overhead. uncle Thomas got closer to the rooster and says, "Oh, Mister Schwartz, I told you to slow down, now I am gonna to bury my five grand." The rooster suddenly winked to uncle Thomas, "please go away, I am waiting here cause I must screw the vulture ."

Sep 17, 2011

My VJOKES Collection

Here are my top ten vjokes (visual jokes) for warming up, I am searching for more stuff, so see you around. If you have any suggestions please let me know, just e-mail or pass a comment.
1. Calvados please - the cream of the vjokes.

2. The Amish Go to Town, punch line "Son go bring Mom"

3. Cell Phones 4.0-G - punch line "I am receiving a FAX"

4. The Queue at the Sperm Bank
5. Sperm Bank Secrets - Life Sucks, have a pint!
6. The Nut Cracker - punch line "my eyes aren't as used to be"
7. Can't Stop Laughing

8. The Blind man needs to pee - prank
9. Great Family - Help him with the condoms
10. Mr Bean - Taking the stairs

Sep 16, 2011

The Robot Medic

   We were boozing last week, while Gordon complained "My right thumb really hurts, it's almost three months, I must see tomorrow my Orthopedic surgeon." Jeff advice , "O boy, don't spend good money on doctors. Try the new invention the Robot Medic,  check in any drug store, Simply put in a sample of your urine and the Robot will diagnose your case, and will advice you all about. It's only twenty bucks."

The next day Gordon drained his urine, he poured it in the sample and deposited the twenty bucks. In less then a minute the printer printed the results:
"Your problem is called Trigger Finger, put some cold stuff for few minutes on your hand and after ten minutes some hot stuff. repeat it twice a day for three weeks".
The New Robot

   At 18:00 we met Gordon at the pub, for our happy hour party. "How was the Robot Medic?" demanded Jeff. and Gordon told us all about. Then Jeff told us his story. "I had the same problem as Gordon so I tried to fool the machine, I mixed together urine samples from my wife and my twins and I masturbated into the sample portion . I poured in the sample and deposited the twenty bucks. The Robot analyzed the sample and the printer prints the results:
a. Your son is using drugs, you must put him in a rehabilitation clinic. 
b. Your wife is pregnant, she must cheating around, the baby isn't yours!!
c. cause your sperm is weak and can not fertilize!! 
d. if you don't stop jerking off, your Trigger Finger will never cure. 

Sep 8, 2011

OMG Her Head Shrunk

Hi my friends, chocolates are great, especially the dark ones over 70% cocoa. But watch what will happen if someone is exaggerating eating chocolates, chocolate cakes, cups of thick chocolate etc.

Eventually Glutton's head shrunk!!!

Sep 5, 2011

Stone Skipping

Stone skipping on water is an ancient sport which has become semi-official sport by Napoleon Bonaparte who was exiled to Elba Island, where he every day for hours unloaded his frustrations by throwing stones into the water. Napoleon was very proud on his ability to bounce off the stones seven times.
From reading his biography I learned two things, to play solitaire and stones skipping, and I became so proud of myself after I achieved also the record of seven times.
So I was shocked when my friend emailed me yesterday the clip about the World record of 51 times, its incredible, so if you are frustrated like me follow the next World Stone Skipping Championship in Easdale Scotland.

Man Skips Stone a World Record 51 Times

Stone Skipping - Slow motion

Sep 4, 2011

The Paparazzi Peep Show

My friend the detective sent me that e-mail about that Paparazzi Photographer which makes some extra dough helping some privet detectives. He  must have used special gear to be able to photograph this scene "car sex".
Check out the pictures - one by one, take your time, nice and easy watch each picture very carefully till the last picture. 
Now lets zoom in!!!
Okay lets have a look, more zoom please, now we get into the peep show.
Here we go.........

Yup, I was straining my eyeballs trying to see through the back window too!
Source of pictures here.

Sep 1, 2011

Prisoner's Dilemma

Click on the link here. The handsome prisoner's picture will open in a new window. 
Now try to touch his nose with your cursor, you must be quick and bold, good luck.

For further reading about the Prisoner's Dilemma (PD) - Link
More articles I read - Link