My goal is to pass philosophical concepts by making them simple. Take my advise read them at least twice.
Dec 19, 2014
Dec 16, 2014
African Perpetuum Mobile
We all know from our high school study that you can't get energy for free which in Latin is Perpetuum Mobile. but in Africa and India where labor cost pennies you prefer to use manpower instead of machinery.
Perpetuum Mobile
Perpetuum Mobile
Great Team
Throwing Cement
Polish Cement Magician.
Nov 26, 2014
Sixteen Ways To Open A Wine Bottle
My Friend sent me this great clip, so I got familiar with the Knallerfrauen clips.
I will investigate them ASAP and let you have fun.
How for God sake is she unplugging the cork.
I will investigate them ASAP and let you have fun.
How for God sake is she unplugging the cork.
How To Unplug Corks Without a Corkscrew
Nov 8, 2014
Why Hitchcock Use that Song
My kids gave me many years ago a nice present Alfred Hitchcock's movie collection. Last night I watch the thrilling movie The Birds. for sure I watch that movie several times, but I never paid too much attention to the song the pupils were singing, do you?
But in these days using google's aid I checked for the lyrics and I wonder why Hitchcock use that unknown song for that scene?
But in these days using google's aid I checked for the lyrics and I wonder why Hitchcock use that unknown song for that scene?
Crows on the Playground.
This is the song sung by the school children in Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds.” This version is based on how the song sounds in the actual film. source thank you so much Bruce Christopher.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey donnie-dosilty,
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
now, now, now..
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
now, now, now..
I married my wife in the month of June.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, now, now, now!
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, now, now, now!
I brought her home by the light of the moon.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey donnie-dosilty,
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoty-wallity, now, now, now.
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoty-wallity, now, now, now.
She combed her hair but once a year.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, now, now, now.
With every stroke she shed a tear.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, now, now, now.
With every stroke she shed a tear.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey jonnie-dosilty,
rusty-quo-quality, ristle-tee, rostle-tee,
now, now, now.
rusty-quo-quality, ristle-tee, rostle-tee,
now, now, now.
He brought her home by the light of the moon.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey donnie-dosilty,
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoty-wallity, now, now, now.
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoty-wallity, now, now, now.
She combed her hair but once a year.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, now, now, now.
With every stroke she shed a tear.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, now, now, now.
With every stroke she shed a tear.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey jonnie-dosilty,
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoty-wallity, now, now, now.
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoty-wallity, now, now, now.
She swept up her floor but once a year.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, now, now, now.
She said that brooms were much too dear.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey donnie-dosilty,
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoty-wallity, now, now, now.
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoty-wallity, now, now, now.
She churned the butter in her Dad’s old boot.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, now, now, now.
And for a dash she used her foot.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey jonnie-dosilty,
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoty-wallity, now, now, now.
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoty-wallity, now, now, now.
The butter it came out a grizzle-y grey.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, now, now, now.
The cheese it took legs and ran away.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, now, now, now.
The cheese it took legs and ran away.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey jonnie-dosilty,
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoty-wallity, now, now, now.
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoty-wallity, now, now, now.
She let the critter get away.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey donnie-dosilty,
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoty-wallity, now, now, now.
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoty-wallity, now, now, now.
I asked my wife to wash the floor.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, now, now, now.
She gave me my hat and she showed me the door.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, now, now, now.
She gave me my hat and she showed me the door.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey jonnie-dosilty,
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
now, now, now.
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
now, now, now.
I married my wife in the month of June.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, now, now, now!
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, now, now, now!
I brought her home by the light of the moon.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey donnie-dosilty,
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoty-wallity, now, now, now.
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoty-wallity, now, now, now.
She combed her hair but once a year.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey jonnie-dosilty,
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoty-wallity, now, now, now.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, now, now, now.
------------------------------ ---------------------
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoty-wallity, now, now, now.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, now, now, now.
------------------------------
The following version is taken directly from the script dated
Feb. 15, 1963:
Feb. 15, 1963:
I married my wife in the month of June.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, mo, mo, mo!
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, mo, mo, mo!
I brought her home by the light of the moon.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey bombosity,
knickety-knackety, retro-quo-quality,
willoby-wallaby, mo, mo, mo.
knickety-knackety, retro-quo-quality,
willoby-wallaby, mo, mo, mo.
She combed her hair but once a year.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, mo, mo, mo.
With every stroke she shed a tear.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, mo, mo, mo.
With every stroke she shed a tear.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey donnie-dosilty,
rusty-quo-quality, ristle-tee, rostle-tee, mo, mo, mo.
rusty-quo-quality, ristle-tee, rostle-tee, mo, mo, mo.
Brought her home by the light of the moon.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey donnie-dosilty,
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoby-wallaby, mo, mo, mo.
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoby-wallaby, mo, mo, mo.
She combed her hair but once a year.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, mo, mo, mo.
With every stroke she shed a tear.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey donnie-dosilty,
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoby-wallaby, mo, mo, mo.
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoby-wallaby, mo, mo, mo.
She swept up her floor but once a year.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, mo, mo, mo.
She said that brooms were much too dear.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey donnie-dosilty,
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoby-wallaby, mo, mo, mo.
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoby-wallaby, mo, mo, mo.
She churned the butter in her Dad’s old boot.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, mo, mo, mo.
And for a dash she used her foot.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey donnie-dosilty,
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoby-wallaby, mo, mo, mo.
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoby-wallaby, mo, mo, mo.
The butter it came out a grizzle-y grey.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, mo, mo, mo.
The cheese took legs and ran away.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, mo, mo, mo.
The cheese took legs and ran away.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey donnie-dosilty,
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoby-wallaby, mo, mo, mo.
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoby-wallaby, mo, mo, mo.
She let the critter get away.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey donnie-dosilty,
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoby-wallaby, mo, mo, mo.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey donnie-dosilty,
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoby-wallaby, mo, mo, mo.
I asked my wife to wash the floor.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, mo, mo, mo.
She gave me my hat and she showed me the door.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, mo, mo, mo.
She gave me my hat and she showed me the door.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey donnie-dosilty,
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoby-wallaby, mo, mo, mo.
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoby-wallaby, mo, mo, mo.
I married my wife in the month of June.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, mo, mo, mo!
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, mo, mo, mo!
I carried her off by the light of the moon.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey donnie-dosilty,
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoby-wallaby, mo, mo, mo.
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoby-wallaby, mo, mo, mo.
She combed her hair but once a year.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey donnie-dosilty,
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoby-wallaby, mo, mo, mo.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, mo, mo, mo.
knickety-knackety, rusty-quo-quality,
willoby-wallaby, mo, mo, mo.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, mo, mo, mo.
Oct 27, 2014
The Gambler
The Russian President went to Vegas incognito. As he entered the terminal, he
looked around and gazed on the slot machines all around the hall. he ordered his
bodyguard "hand me ten bucks" Putin put in the bill, pressed a button and
got a pack of Kent cigarettes, wow!.
he asked for another ten, inserted it and pressed the button and now the machine delivered a pack of Rothmans cigarettes, wow!.
he asked for another ten bucks, inserted the bill and this time the machine delivered a pack of Parliament cigarettes
Putin asked for another ten bucks, but Igor nodded "Vlad, I'm out of cash".
"ёб твою мать!" (Yób tvoyú mat' -"Gosh") hurry to the change machine and bring me more 10 bucks bills, can't you see I'm lucky!"
Igor returned and Putin put in another bill and the machine emitted now
an Old Gold pack of cigarettes and another pack of Eagle cigarettes.
Putin cry "I've got a Poker hand"
If you are Russian please tell Putin to come once again to Vegas but now his bodyguard should use this application CasinoTrip.
it is a cool app so next time he might enjoy gambling in a real casino.
from their website I can see they have information from all over the world. Neat site and a great app - I totally recommend it to anyone who travels and likes to visit a casino.
from their website I can see they have information from all over the world. Neat site and a great app - I totally recommend it to anyone who travels and likes to visit a casino.
Oct 20, 2014
Cosmetic Procedures Humor
Three Bouquets.
One of the most famous Hollywood actors, Ms Dee. was unhappy cause of her huge vagina
lips. She went to the cosmetic procedures clinic to reduce her vagina lips. She asks her surgeon to keep the procedure and her name as top
secret.
When she wakes up, after the operation she noticed three bouquets of roses.
When she wakes up, after the operation she noticed three bouquets of roses.
She asked the nurse to explain who are the persons who send her these bouquets.
The nurse smiles and told her "two are from her and the surgeon". "Okay", she smiles with pains, "but who for god sake sent me the third bouquet?"
"Oh," says the nurse, "that bouquet is from sergeant Smith, he wanted to thank you for his new ears!"
Silicon Boobs.
Betty teaches her class of seven years old pupils a lesson. she asks her class "Who can tell us, what's the most expensive material in the world?"
Bobby raised his finger and said "for sure it's gold, because last week my daddy told Mom 'with all the gold I spent on you, I could buy a brand new Porsche."
Bobby raised his finger and said "for sure it's gold, because last week my daddy told Mom 'with all the gold I spent on you, I could buy a brand new Porsche."
The teacher nodded,
but told her pupils, to thing about a most expensive material.
Rose raised her finger, "for sure diamonds are the most expensive material in the world". can you tell us why asks Betty. because last week my daddy told Mom "I could drive a Ferrari like Gordon, if you didn't insist on that six carat diamond ring"
Rose raised her finger, "for sure diamonds are the most expensive material in the world". can you tell us why asks Betty. because last week my daddy told Mom "I could drive a Ferrari like Gordon, if you didn't insist on that six carat diamond ring"
The teacher said "correct, thank you rose" but Johnny stands up and shout "silicone is the winner. it worth much more than diamonds"
Betty asked Johnny "Will you explain us why silicone?"
Betty asked Johnny "Will you explain us why silicone?"
Johnny "Because since my mom has refurbished her boobs with Silicone implants you should see all the most expensive cars outside our house!"
Oct 18, 2014
Buffalo Fighting
Do Son Buffalo Fighting Festival
Buffalo fighting is a unique and traditional festival of people in Do Son District, Haiphong City. This festival is not only associated with Water Goddess worshiping and sacrificing custom but also expressed bravery, chivalry, and risk-taking spirit of people in the coastal city of Haiphong.
The festival derives from the belief of Do Son’s locals that buffalo fighting is in favor of their guardian gods and hence a continuity of this activity brings them safe voyages, abundant crops as well as healthy and wealthy people—signs of prosperity and happiness. As a matter of fact, Do Son Buffalo Fighting Festival has been long conducted within the region since the 18th century.
The festival is annually and officially operated on the 9th day of the 8th month in Vietnamese Lunar Calendar; however, its preparation takes participants nearly a year to process. From choosing the right buffaloes to buy, raising and training them—all of which require hard work and ongoing effort. For example, selection of fighting buffaloes only must be in great meticulosity as they must meet a wide range of requirements: at least 4 or 5 years old, wide chest, bow-shape horns, toned thighs, and long tail. Also, these buffaloes are kept separately from normal ones, and so on. SourceGreat beasts show, at the end of the day everybody may eat a nice Buffalo steak.
Oct 9, 2014
The Wedding Photographer Scene
Thomas sent me last week a great clip which I would prefer calling it "Who slept with the groom?" this vjoke is hilarious. maybe you might find a former clip so please let me know.
Who slept with the groom
Who slept with the groom
“A police officer stops a motorist speeding down Main Street. ‘But officer,’ the man says, ‘I can explain—’ ‘Be quiet,’ snaps the officer. ‘I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.’ ‘But, officer, I just wanted to say—’ says the driver. ‘And I say keep quiet! You’re going to jail!’ replies the officer. A few hours later the officer looks in on his prisoner and says, ‘Lucky for you the chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.’ ‘Don’t count on it,’ answers the motorist. ‘I’m the groom.’” Source
Oct 5, 2014
Inspector Jacques Clouseau Last Plot
Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau was called urgently to solve the mystery. Three
dead bodies turn up at a mortuary all with a very wide smile on their faces. Cause the local police can't find out they called Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau to investigate.
"First body," says Clouseau, "Pierre Dubois, the Engineer, 69, died while coming screwing a prostitute, hence the Smile."
"Second body" says Clouseau,"Remy Beauvais, pimp, 25 Died of Meth(Methamphetamine) poisoning, hence the Smile."
The Police Inspector asked, "And what about this third body?"
"Ah," says Clouseau, "this is the most unusual one. Jacques Brel, Belgian, 18, struck by lightning."
"Why the broad grin, then?" inquires the Police Inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken"!
Inspector Clouseau plays billiards.
"First body," says Clouseau, "Pierre Dubois, the Engineer, 69, died while coming screwing a prostitute, hence the Smile."
"Second body" says Clouseau,"Remy Beauvais, pimp, 25 Died of Meth(Methamphetamine) poisoning, hence the Smile."
The Police Inspector asked, "And what about this third body?"
"Ah," says Clouseau, "this is the most unusual one. Jacques Brel, Belgian, 18, struck by lightning."
"Why the broad grin, then?" inquires the Police Inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken"!
Inspector Clouseau plays billiards.
Clouseau Must Fix The Lighter.
Oct 3, 2014
They Desire To Look Like Baboons
Some time I am gazing on perfect butts and try imagine, is it natural or refurbished. Butt load using silicon injections help some people. Maybe I should inject two pound of silicon to my butt, cause my pant hang low and always slip down.
Check the clip and look at the Baboons. Are we heading a fashion of the Baboon syndrome.
Check the clip and look at the Baboons. Are we heading a fashion of the Baboon syndrome.
Sep 30, 2014
French Cougar Hunting Secrets
My mother in law sent me that great clip showing how cougars are hunting. She may be ready next week, don't let her cheat you.
cougar
The Cougar Secret.
cougar
cougar
cougar
Double Gen Sex
Double Gen Sex
See also the post about Double Generation SexHere is another clip using some makeup and silicon skies for hunting some good time. Sugar daddy looks hunting a chic and found a cougar instead I love to call that clip old Boomerang.
Two Used Boomerang
Aug 13, 2014
Meet Mr. Dickhead
My Friend sent me a great clip Mr. dickhead is full of shit and he try to impress his date.
The Comedy Store (Dutch).
Mr and Mrs Bok go wine tasting this week, and oysters food. Everything they eat is dead.
Jul 14, 2014
Inspector Jacques Clouseau Quest
Inspector Jacques Clouseau investigated the theft of the jewelry in the hotel. the woman told him
that her husband closed the jewelry in the safe and left her the safe code
on piece of paper, but she has no idea how to open the safe. the instructions are:
1. The code is compound from different four digits.
2. If we will add to the code the number 5355 we will receive the code in reversal digits.
3. Clue: The code is situated in the field of plus minus 200 year from the demolition of the Bastille.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau investigate the staff, and none of them know the meaning of the Bastille. his conclusion, that all are innocent, so who open the safe?
Can you help Inspector Clouseau to open the safe?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau
Jun 3, 2014
May 2, 2014
Horny Girls
This morning I found an e-Mail from my friend Gordon, he sent me some funny pictures taken by horny people. Check the scenes and imagine yourself at the same place, how do you behave near nude sculptures, did you dream taking your boyfriend to the hotel and do some sewing job.
Anyone who has pictures of these statues may tell us about his experience, thank you.
Anyone who has pictures of these statues may tell us about his experience, thank you.
Apr 1, 2014
Chicken Game In The Ocean
This joke we use to tell many years ago, and to tell the true I really forgot all about it.
Last week I received this joke and I would like to share it, cause of the moral "Every Captain is a professionalist as far he is sober"
An ALLEGED conversation between Americans and Galicians recorded off the coast of Finisterre, Galicia. source
<Transmission begins>
Galician:
"This is A-853, please change your course 15 degrees South to avoid colliding with us. You are coming straight towards us, distance 25 nautical miles."
American:
"We recommend that you change your course 15 degrees North to avoid a collision."
Galician:
"Negative. We repeat, change your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision."
American:
"You are talking to the captain of a ship of the United States of America. We insist you turn your course 15 degrees North to avoid a collision."
Galician:
"We do not consider that feasible or advisable, we suggest that you change your course 15 degrees South to avoid colliding with us."
American (very angry):
"You are talking to Captain Richard James Howard, at the bridge of the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln of the USA Navy, the second biggest warship of the North American fleet. We are escorted by two battleships, three destroyers, five cruisers, four submarines and numerous amphibious support vessels. I am not suggesting, I am ordering you to change your course 15 degrees North! Otherwise we will be forced to take any measures necessary to guarantee both the safety of this ship and the force of this coalition. You belong to an allied country and a member of NATO, so obey immediately and get out of our way!"
Galician:
"You are speaking to Jose Manuel Otero-Rivas. We are two people. We are escorted by our dog, our food, two beers and a canary that is currently asleep. We have the support of Radio Coruňa FM and Channel 16 for marine emergencies. We are not intending to move anywhere as we are speaking to you from the mainland, from lighthouse A-853 of Finisterre on the coast of Galicia, and we don’t have a f*cking clue what our ranking is of Spanish lighthouses.
You may take whatever measures you consider opportune and bloody well feel like to guarantee the safety of your goddamn ship, which is about to shred itself on the rocks, but what we continue to insist and suggest as the best, most sane and more recommendable course of action, is to turn 15 degrees South to avoid colliding with us."
American:
"OK. Received. Thank you."
<End of transmission>
Last week I received this joke and I would like to share it, cause of the moral "Every Captain is a professionalist as far he is sober"
A-853 (Spanish-American encounter recapped by a Russian Americanist Mikhail Zadornov)
An ALLEGED conversation between Americans and Galicians recorded off the coast of Finisterre, Galicia. source
<Transmission begins>
Galician:
"This is A-853, please change your course 15 degrees South to avoid colliding with us. You are coming straight towards us, distance 25 nautical miles."
American:
"We recommend that you change your course 15 degrees North to avoid a collision."
Galician:
"Negative. We repeat, change your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision."
American:
"You are talking to the captain of a ship of the United States of America. We insist you turn your course 15 degrees North to avoid a collision."
Galician:
"We do not consider that feasible or advisable, we suggest that you change your course 15 degrees South to avoid colliding with us."
American (very angry):
"You are talking to Captain Richard James Howard, at the bridge of the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln of the USA Navy, the second biggest warship of the North American fleet. We are escorted by two battleships, three destroyers, five cruisers, four submarines and numerous amphibious support vessels. I am not suggesting, I am ordering you to change your course 15 degrees North! Otherwise we will be forced to take any measures necessary to guarantee both the safety of this ship and the force of this coalition. You belong to an allied country and a member of NATO, so obey immediately and get out of our way!"
Galician:
"You are speaking to Jose Manuel Otero-Rivas. We are two people. We are escorted by our dog, our food, two beers and a canary that is currently asleep. We have the support of Radio Coruňa FM and Channel 16 for marine emergencies. We are not intending to move anywhere as we are speaking to you from the mainland, from lighthouse A-853 of Finisterre on the coast of Galicia, and we don’t have a f*cking clue what our ranking is of Spanish lighthouses.
You may take whatever measures you consider opportune and bloody well feel like to guarantee the safety of your goddamn ship, which is about to shred itself on the rocks, but what we continue to insist and suggest as the best, most sane and more recommendable course of action, is to turn 15 degrees South to avoid colliding with us."
American:
"OK. Received. Thank you."
<End of transmission>
Gallegos y Norteamericanos
Mar 7, 2014
Two Inspirational Stories
Yesterday I watch the short clip about our cute children who can operate almost each gadget without using any manual, but can't operate a simple dial phone.
That's remind me an old story published first at 1966.
A TRUE STORY
by Paul Villard
When I was quite young, my family had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember well the polished oak case fastened to the wall on the lower stair landing. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I even remembered the number - 105. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked into it. Once she lifted me up to speak to my father, who was away on business. Magic! Then I discovered that somewhere inside that wonderful device lived an amazing person - her name was "Information Please" and there was nothing that she did not know. My mother could ask her for anybody's number and when our clock ran down, Information Please immediately supplied the correct time.While reading this my memories jump to another drawer to
My first personal experience with this genie-in-the-receiver came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the toolbench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer. The pain was terrible, but there didn't seem to be of much use crying because there was no one home to offer sympathy. I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver and held it to my ear. "Information Please," I said into the mouthpiece just above my head. A click or two, and a small clear voice spoke into my ear. "Information." "I hurt my fingerrr-" I wailed into the phone. The tears came readily enough now that I had an audience. "Isn't your mother home?" came the question. "Nobody's at home but me," I blubbered. "Are you bleeding?". "No", I replied. "I hit it with the hammer and it hurts". "Can you open your icebox?" she asked. I said I could. "Then chip off a little piece of ice and hold it on your finger. That will stop the hurt. Be careful when you use the ice pick," she admonished. "And don't cry. You'll be alright".
After that, I called Information Please for everything. I asked for help with my Geography and she told me where Philadelphia was, and the Orinco--the romantic river I was going to explore when I grew up. She helped me with my Arithmetic, and she told me that a pet chipmunk--I had caught him in the park just that day before--would eat fruits and nuts. And there was the time that Petey, our pet canary, died. I called Information Please and told her the sad story. She listened, then said the usual things grown-up say to soothe a child. But I was unconsoled. Why was it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to whole families, only to end as a heap of feathers feet up, on the bottom of a cage? She must have sensed my deep concern, for she quietly said, "Paul, always remember that there are other worlds to sing in." Somehow, I felt better.
Another day I was at the telephone. "Information," said the now familiar voice. "How do you spell fix?". F-I-X." At that instant my sister, who took unholy joy in scaring me, jumped off the stairs at me with a banshee shriek-"Yaaaaaaaaaa!" I fell off the stool, pulling the receiver out of the box by its roots. We were both terrified--Information Please was no longer there, and I was not at all sure that I hadn't hurt her when I pulled the receiver out. Minutes later, there was a man on the porch. "I'm a telephone repairman. I was working down the street and the operator said there might be some trouble at this number." He reached for the receiver in my hand. "What happened?" I told him. "Well, we can fix that in a minute or two." He opened the telephone box exposing a maze of wires and coils, and fiddled for a while with the end of the receiver cord, tightened things with a small screwdriver. He jiggled the hook up and down a few times, then spoke into the phone. "Hi, this is Pete. Everything's under control at 105. The kid's sister scared him and he pulled the cord out of the box." He hung up, smiled, gave me a pat on the head and walked out the door.
All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. Then, when I was nine years old, we moved across he country to Boston-and I missed my mentor acutely. Information Please belonged in that old wooden box back at home, and I somehow never thought if trying the tall, skinny new phone that sat on the small table in the hall. Yet, as I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversation never really left me; often in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had when I know that I could call Information Please and get the right answer. I appreciated now how very patient, understanding and kind she was to have wasted her time on a little boy.
A few years later, on my way back to college, my plane put down in Seattle. I had about half an hour between plan connections, and I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister who lived there now, happily mellowed by marriage and motherhood. Then, really without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, "Information Please." Miraculously, I heard again the small, clear voice that I know so well:"Information." I hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying, "Could you tell me, please, how to spell the word 'fix'?" There was a long pause. Then came the softly spoken answer. "I guess," said Information Please, "that your finger must have healed by now." I laughed. "So it's really still you. I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during all that time...." "I wonder," she replied, "if you know how much you meant to me? I never had any children, and I used to look forward to your calls. Silly, wasn't it?" It didn't seem silly, but I didn't say so. Instead I told her how often I had thought of her over the years, and I asked if I could call her again when I come back to visit my sister when the semester was over. "Please do. Just ask for Sally." "Goodbye Sally." It sounded strange for Information Please to have a name. "If I run into any chipmunks, I'll tell them to eat fruits and nuts." "Do that," she said. "And I expect one of these days you'll be off for the Orinoco. Well, good-bye."
Just three months later, I was back again at the Seattle airport. A different voice answered, "Information," and I asked for Sally. "Are you a friend?" "Yes," I said. "An old friend." "Then I'm sorry to have to tell you. Sally had only been working part-time in the last few years because she was ill. She died five weeks ago." But before I could hung up, she said, "Wait a minute. Did you say your name was Villard?" "Yes." "Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down." "What was it?" I asked, almost knowing in advance what it would be. "Here it is, I'll read it-'Tell him I still say there are other worlds to sing in. He'll know what I mean'"
I thanked her and hung up. I did know what Sally meant.
Paul Villard
Originally published June, 1966 Readers Digest; reprinted with permission in the December 1999 issue of the Singing Wires newsletter, TCI club. source
Meanest Mother in the World
Written by Bobbie Pingaro
(1967)
I had the meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast,
I had to have cereal, eggs, or toast. When others had cake and candy for lunch, I had
to eat a sandwich. And, as you can guess, my supper was different from the other kids
too! But, at least I wasn't alone in my suffering. My sister and two brothers had the
same mean mother as I did.
My mother insisted upon knowing where we kids were at all times. You'd think we were
on a chain gang. She had to know who out friends were, and what we were doing. She
insisted if we said we'd be gone an hour, that we be gone one hour or less; not one
hour and one minute. I am really ashamed to admit it but she actually struck us; not
once, but each time we did as we pleased. Can you imagine someone actually hitting a
child just because he disobeyed? Now you can begin to see how mean she really was.The worst is yet to come! We had to be in bed by nine each night and up early the next morning. We couldn't sleep till noon like our friends. So, while they slept, my mother actually had the nerve to break the child labor law. She had us work. We had to wash dishes, make beds, learn to cook and all sorts of cruel things. I believe she laid awake nights thinking up mean things to do to us. She always insisted upon our telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, even if it killed us - and it nearly did!
By the time we were teenagers, she was much wiser, and our life became even more unbearable. None of this tooting the horn of a car in front of the house for us to come running. She embarrassed us to no end by making our dates and friends come to the door to get us. I forgot to mention, while my friends were dating at the "MATURE" age of 12 and 13 my old fashioned mother refused to let us date until the age of 15 and 18. Fifteen, that is if you dated only to school functions, and that was twice a year.
My mother was a complete failure as a mother. None of us has ever been arrested, or beaten their mate! Each of my brothers served his time in the service of his country. And whom do we have to blame for the terrible way we turned out? You are right, our MEAN MOTHER! Look at all these things we missed - we never got to march in a protest parade; nor even take part in a riot, burn draft cards, and a million and one things that our friends did. She forced us to grow into God fearing, educated honest adults.
Using this as a background, I am trying to raise my three children. I stand a little taller and I am filled with pride when my children call me "MEAN" because, you see, I thank God he gave me . . ."THE MEANEST MOTHER IN THE WHOLE WORLD" Source
Jan 24, 2014
Who Is The Biggest SPAMMER?
Every day in my e-Mail I found the FB message https://www.facebook.com/ they need more fishes in their ocean. But I hate SPAM messages so thanks God most mailing servers are sorting them and throw them into the SPAM basket. But their sorting is not applicable to clean the Facebook SPAM.
Fuck You Facebook, stop spamming let me decide if I need your services.
Fuck You Facebook, stop spamming let me decide if I need your services.
Jan 11, 2014
What Are Mister Bean Shoe Size?
My friend Gordon ask me a great quiz about Mr. Bean. What are his shoe size?
Watch the following clip and try to answer without using Google or any other mine diggers.
Watch the following clip and try to answer without using Google or any other mine diggers.
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