Feb 20, 2013

Shameless Jokes

I watch in parallel both TV series Shameless the UK and the US. I prefer the UK cause its less naughty and with much more social political messages. Yesterday while watching the program, a flash memory about crowded homes and little children watching their parents gave me the opportunity  telling two old jokes.

I'm Coming
Little Johnny walked into class with a swollen black eye.
Teacher: "Johnny what’s up? how you got that swollen face?"
Johnny: As you know we have only one room, and I sleep with my parents in one bed.
Yesterday night, my dad asks, “johnny are you sleeping?” Then I say "No" so he slaps my face and gives me a black eye.
Teacher: "tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet and don't answer."

Next morning, Johnny enter the class and the teacher noticed he got another black eye.
Teacher: "My goodness! Why you got another black eye?"
Johnny: "dad asked me again, Johnny are you sleeping?" I remembered your advise and now shut up and kept dead still, then my dad and my mum started dancing together in the bed. a moment later mommy was crying "Oh God I'm coming" now dad dance a great shake and whispered "I'm coming too" 
Cause they never go anywhere without me I cried, “wait for me, I’m coming too!”

Little Johnny waked up by a noise from his parents room. He knocks on the door and asks his daddy what’s going on. “we are playing Pinochle” he replies. “Who’s your partner?” asked little johnny. “Sheila!” replied daddy.
Little Johnny returned to his room when he hears the same noise coming from his sister’s room. Again, he knocks on the door and asked his sister what was she doing. “Playing Pinochle.” “with whom?” he asks. “My boyfriend!” she replies.

A short while later, Johnny’s father went looking for cigarettes and hears a noise coming from Little Johnny’s room. He knocks on the door and asks “What are you doing?” “Playing Pinochle!” replied Johnny. “Who’s your partner?” asked his father…
Little Johnny answers promptly, “With a hand like this who needs a partner?”

The teacher asks her class to describe what a scandal means. No one raised his finger but Little Johnny. He walked up to the blackboard, and made only a big dot using the chalk.
The teacher waits for Johnny to start his story, but he replies "A period must be the scandal."
"Well Johnny, let us hear your arguments connecting the period to a scandal"
"Damned if I know," said Johnny, "But this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Mommy fainted, my brother Ted bolts from home and Daddy had a heart attack"

Shame And Scandal In The Family - Link

Pregnant Bitches- Link

Don't Fuck With Me - Link

Three Brides Honeymoon - Link


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