White Lies

   My Friend just sent me an email reminding me that sweet story about white lies. 

Alice was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies' Group in Tuscaloosa , but forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix & quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, and helping her son pack up for Scout camp.

When she took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured and she exclaimed, "Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake!" 

  source

This cake was important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. She found it in the bathroom - a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect. And, before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone & called her mom. Alice was horrified-she was beside herself! Everyone would know! What would they think?
She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed!  All night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a fellow church member and try to have a good time. She did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP'd , she couldn't think of a believable excuse to stay home. The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old south and to Alice's horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert!

Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake! She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before
she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "what a beautiful cake!" Alice, still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, "Thank you, I baked it myself." (which always means, I have bought it myself).
Alice smiled and thought to herself, "God is good."  source

 

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Proud Parents

 I just received this old joke from Gordon, and I feel I must share it with you, just have fun.
 Four men and a woman were chatting in a cocktail party.
Arnold tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
Bob follow his friend and proudly announce his fellows, "My son is a Bishop.  When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
Conan says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."
Donald says very proudly, "My son is the Pope When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Edit was sipping her Martini in silence, The four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies, I have a daughter  When she walks into a room, Edit turn on her iPhone showing them her picture ....

                          people say, Oh My God!"

10,000 ft Jokes

Rude Parrot
   On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks, "And get me a Whiskey you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a Whiskey for the parrot and forgets the coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls, "And get me another whiskey you bitch". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whiskey but still no coffee.
   Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach, "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick your ass".
Next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't fly you're a lippy bastard!" - source

Cockpit ?
A burly good 'ol boy Texan on a flight flags down a steward and says, "Captain, I want a drink but I don't see the stewardess around".
The steward answers, "Actually I'm not the captain. This airline is proud to have integrated many of the traditional male-female roles of the industry. I'd be happy to get you a drink".
Passenger: "Wow, what does the captain think of that?"
Steward: "She's all for it, in fact, the entire flight crew is female."
Passenger: "I don't believe it!! Take me up to the cockpit so I can see for myself!"
Steward: "Actually sir, we don't call it that anymore." - source

Now check the thrilling clip Exchanging Gliders

Shame And Scandal In The Family

   The French government announced a 50,000 Euro Prize to encourage the population growth. Each family with six children and more, will get 50,000 Euro Tax free. Hassan and Fatima have five children, Hassan knows his wife can't have any more children to win the prize, but he had another illegal son living in Marseille. Hassan told his secret to Fatima which agreed "business is business, you go tomorrow and bring your son so we can show the office we own six children and get the prize"

(For illustration purposes only )

The next day Hassan ride to Marseille and returned after three days, with his son. Hassan asks Fatima to call all the five children to go to the Interior Ministry  bureau to claim their prize. Fatima starts crying "Hassan, forgive me, we have no more children, all the fathers came over and took all their children to get the prize"

Shame And Scandal In the Family

Anosmic Or Drunk?

Who would like to take his place? can you tell me your experience could a drunk man enjoy the scent of that woman?

Scent of A Woman - Prank

Don Juan And The Priest

Don Juan Confession

   Don Juan went to the church, entered the confession booth and starts his confession.




"Father, Dona Flor and me engaged three month ago, but she didn't let me make love with her. Yesterday, I came over her place, nobody were at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her."
"Put twenty Pesos in the charity box, I will pray for you" whispered the priest.

"Father, the day before yesterday I went to visit Dona Flor's home, but nobody was around except her mother Dona Isabella, so I slept with her too."
"That's a sin, you may wash it away by putting 200 Pesos in the charity box, I will pray for you" whispered the priest.

"Father, last week, I went to her brother's house to look for her, nobody was around except for her sister in law Dona Rosa ,and I slept with her too."
Sh...Sh..........

Sh...Sh..........
"Father? are you there?"

    Suddenly Don Juan realized, that there was no response from the Father. He walked around and discovered that the priest disappeared. Now Don Juan walked around the huge church looking for the priest, "Father? where are you?" finally he found him hiding in the pipe organ chamber. "Father, why are you hiding here?"

"Sorry Don Juan, suddenly I realized there is nobody around here except me."

Okay here you learn more about cheating.....

Lottery Ticket

 Dee was nagging her husband Bobby about her diamond ring. One day, Bobby looks at Dee wearing a new diamond ring.  
"Where did you get that ring?" Bobby claimed.
"Well, she replies, "Gordon and me, were playing the Lotto Lottery and we won, so I bought it with my share."
The next month Dee comes home with a long shiny fur coat.  Where did you get that coat?" Bobby demands.
Dee replies "Gordon and me were lucky once again with the lotto lottery, so I bought it with my share."
One month later, Dee comes home, driving a brand new Jeep, once again the explanation was her lottery ticket........

That night, Dee asks Bobby to fill the bath for her. 

When she enters the bathroom, she finds that the water was only one inch deep. 
"What's kind of joke is this?" Dee asks Bobby.
Bobby grinned "We don't want to get your lotto ticket wet, do we?"
 

Archie Bunker vs Al Bundy

I miss these TV shows All in the Family and Married with Children I am now watching some episodes from time to time.

Archie Bunker - source

Archibald "Archie" Bunker is a fictional New Yorker in the 1970s top-rated American television sitcom All in the Family and its spin-off Archie Bunker's Place, played to acclaim by Carroll O'Connor. Bunker is a veteran of World War II, reactionary, conservative, blue-collar worker, and family man. The Bunker character was first seen by the American public when All in the Family premiered on January 12, 1971. In 1979, the show was retooled and renamed Archie Bunker’s Place, finally going off the air in 1983. Bunker lived at the fictional address of 704 Hauser Street in the borough of Queens in New York City. TV Guide named Archie the greatest television character of all time.

When first introduced on All in the Family in 1971, Archie was the head of a family consisting of his wife Edith, his adult daughter Gloria, and his liberal son-in-law, college student Michael "Mike" Stivic, with whom Archie disagreed on virtually everything; he frequently characterized Mike as a "dumb Polack", and usually addressed him as "Meathead" because, in Archie's words, he was "dead from the neck up". During the show's first five seasons, Mike and Gloria were living with Archie and Edith, so that Mike could put himself through college. They later moved to their own home, though it turned out to be next door, allowing Archie and Mike to interact nearly as much as they had when they were living in the same house.

Meathead feud with Archie Episode.


 
Archie Bunker quotes - Link

Al Bundy character and brief history - source

Al is a simple man, and forever regretful of the turns his life has taken since the end of high school, when marriage and a broken leg prevented him from playing college football. The character was so popular that it has left O'Neill somewhat typecast since the series ended production.Al Bundy is married to Peggy. He mistakenly asked her to marry him after he got drunk. He has two children: Kelly, a promiscuous and dumb (albeit gorgeous) blonde, and Bud, an intelligent but perpetually horny and unpopular weasel named after a brand of beer. Al lives in Chicago and is the proud owner of a Dodge Dart he works as a shoe salesman at the fictional Gary's Shoes and Accessories for Today's Woman in the fictional New Market Mall. Al hates his job, loses it several times throughout the series, yet always ends up coming back to it. There is a running joke throughout the show that Al makes minimum-wage. However, in one episode, Al is offered early retirement and given a year's pay: $12,000. In "My Mom, The Mom", Al states that he earns a 10% commission on each sale. The family also brought in income through game-shows, theft, various absurd schemes and mooching off of the Rhoades and D'Arcy's wealth throughout the series.

Best of Season 9-11 (Married with Children)

Al Bundy quotes - Link

The Cream of Al Bundy

Time Is Money

Great prank at the cashier, Last week I tried to pay with pennies and the taxi driver throws all the coins thru the window?!

Never stand by old cashiers - prank