Never Open The Pandora's Box

My friend Gordon reminds me some of our old day jokes about husbands and their wives cheating around. The main motive is the Pandora's box
Many American presidents had affairs but Bill Clinton produce the most juicy stories.

The Pandora's Box Under the Clinton's Bed
When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $1,874.25 in cash.

She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there even was such a box with such contents. That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner. After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, "I am so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the three beer cans in the box?"

Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."

Hillary was shocked, but said, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I am very disappointed and saddened by your behavior. However, since you are addicted to sex I guess it does happen and I guess three times is not that bad considering your problem."
Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace. 

A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that money in the box?"

Bill answered: "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."

War Memories - Bean Soup

Dee and Liam celebrated their Gold anniversary, after they exchange the presents Liam asked Dee about her affairs during the years. The young couple established an open marriage but they decided to keep a bean each time they have a new partner.  Now Liam told her he had only one relationship with Sue their neighbor, and what about you asked Liam. Dee draw out an old Biscuit tin box open it and to Liam surprise only five beans were in that big box. Oh dear Dee only five affairs during all those years? 

"No silly" replied Dee. "what do you mean?" asked Liam.

"do you remember WW2 when beans were short, but we ate bean soup every day" 

Elbows On A Table?

   Gordon my British friend sent me that stuff. To all of you who were children in the 50s I thought you might enjoy this one.

EATING IN THE UK DURING THE FIFTIES

* Pasta we did not think had been invented.
* Curry was an unknown entity.
* Olive oil was kept in the medicine cabinet.
* Spices came from the Middle East where we believed that they were used for embalming
* Herbs were used to make rather dodgy medicine.
* A takeaway was a mathematical problem.
* A pizza was something to do with a leaning tower.
* Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time.
* The only vegetables known to us were spuds, peas, carrots and cabbage, anything else was regarded as being a bit suspicious.
* All crisps were plain; the only choice we had was whether to put the salt on or not.
* Condiments consisted of salt, pepper, vinegar and brown sauce if we were lucky.
* Soft drinks were all called lemonade.
* Coke was something that we mixed with coal to make it last longer.
* A Chinese chippy was a foreign carpenter.
* Rice was a milk pudding, and never, ever part of our dinner.
* A Big Mac was what we wore when it was raining.
* A microwave was something out of a science fiction movie.
* Brown bread was something only poor people ate.
* Oil was for lubricating your bike not for cooking, fat was for cooking
* Bread and jam was a treat.
* Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves, not bags.
* The tea cosy was the forerunner of all the energy saving devices that we hear so much about today.
* Tea had only one colour, black. Green tea was not British.
* Coffee was only drunk when we had no tea….. and then it was Camp, and came in a bottle.
* Cubed sugar was regarded as posh.
* Figs and dates appeared every Christmas, but no one ever ate them.
* Coconuts only appeared when the fair came to town.
* Salad cream was a dressing for salads, mayonnaise did not exist
* Hors d'oeuvre was a spelling mistake.
* Soup was a main meal.
* The menu consisted of what we were given, and was set in stone.
* Only Heinz made beans, there were no others.
* Leftovers went in the dog, never in the bin.
* Special food for dogs and cats was unheard of.
* Sauce was either brown or red.
* Fish was only eaten on Fridays.
* Fish and chips was always wrapped in old newspapers, and definitely tasted better that way.
* Frozen food was called ice cream.
* Nothing ever went off in the fridge because we never had one.
* Ice cream only came in one flavour, vanilla.
* None of us had ever heard of yoghurt.
* Jelly and blancmange was strictly party food.
* Healthy food had to have the ability to stick to your ribs.
* Indian restaurants were only found in India .* Cheese only came in a hard lump.
* A bun was a small cake that your Mum made in the oven.
* Eating out was called a picnic.
* Cooking outside was called camping.
* Eggs only came fried or boiled.
* Hot cross buns were only eaten at Easter time.
* Pancakes were only eaten on Shrove Tuesday – and on that day it was compulsory.
* Cornflakes had just arrived from America but it was obvious that they would never catch on.
* We bought milk and cream at the same time in the same bottle.
* Sugar enjoyed a good press in those days, and was regarded as being white gold.
* Prunes were purely medicinal.
* Surprisingly muesli was readily available in those days, it was called cattle feed.
* Turkeys were definitely seasonal.
* Pineapples came in chunks in a tin; we had only ever seen a picture of a real one.
* We didn't eat Croissants in those days because we couldn't pronounce them, we couldn't spell them and we didn't know what they were.
* Garlic was used to ward off vampires, but never used to flavour bread.
* Water came out of the tap, if someone had suggested bottling it and charging treble for it they would have become a laughing stock.
* Food hygiene was only about washing your hands before meals.
* Campylobacter, Salmonella, E.coli, Listeria, and Botulism were all called "food poisoning."

However, there was one thing that we never ever had on our table in the fifties.....

…. ELBOWS

Roly-Poly Jewelry

The latest piece of jewelry came from Paris. You don't need to understand French just watch the clip to the end. Now I'm sure many women will buy it and enjoy their boy friends eh?

The Wrong Tube

Dee, our neighbors daughter married last week. The young couple spent the first night at her parents home. 
At breakfast little Tommy Dee's brother, asks his Mom, "Is the young couple still in their room?".
Mother:"Yep".
Little Tommy: "Do you know what I think?"

 
His mother replies: "I don't care what you think! just hurry and go to school"

Tommy returned home for lunch and asks his mother, "What's up with the young couple? did they show up?"
Mom:"No"

Little Tommy: "Do you know what I think?"
Mom replies: "I do not want to hear what you think! Just finish your meal and prepare your homework"

At dinner Daddy asks, "Is the young couple in their room yet?"
Mom replies: "Yes"
Little Tommy: "Do you know what I think?"

Mom: "Okay, now tell me what you think?"
Little Tommy: "Last night, Gordon came to my room asking for Vaseline and I think .....
I gave him my model airplane glue ... "

Games 4 The Wise

     My friend Gordon share the link for the I.Q Test. Smarty Pants Test

When it says you only have 8 seconds to answer the question, they aren't kidding!. Remember that....8 seconds! this is VERY FAST , so be prepared!! You only have 8 seconds for each question. Click on the Smartorstoopid and have fun. Smartorstoopid  Now if you enjoy this you have more games for the super intelligent. Click here and enjoy, try the Drench don't give up, you can make it.

Mercy During War

Aerial Chivalry -The Story of Charlie Brown and Franz Stigler 

My Friend told me that incredible story about a German pilot who play a honored game during WW2. that's remind me also the story about the 1914 'football truce' anniversary     Encountering a mortally-wounded B-17 limping back to England, Luftwaffe ace Franz Stigler anticipated an easy kill and another opportunity to avenge his brother’s death at the opening of WWII. As he approached the virtually helpless American plane, however, he saw the faces of the dead and wounded crewmen. Then, Stigler’s eyes met those of pilot Charles Brown. Despite the potentially severe consequences of letting an enemy plane escape, Stigler felt that he had to answer a higher call of honor . . . mercy. Expecting the worst at any moment, Brown marveled as the enemy Bf-109 stuck with him to the North Sea. His adversary then saluted and veered away, allowing the astonished Brown to journey safely home. With this encounter engraved into the minds of both pilots for decades after the war’s end, the two men remarkably located one another in 1990. In the years that followed, their friendship developed to the point where Stigler considered Brown to be as precious as the brother he had lost. Source

Polish Pizza

     Mark (Polish) ordered a family size pizza. "Shall I slice it into sixteen or eight slices?" asked him the seller. Mark replies "Please slice it into eight, I will not be able to eat sixteen"

Aussie Humor? The Dalai Lama, is not at his age and his English is "Tibetish"