Adultery and Blackmailing

   Dee's friend came visit her once a week at noon. At that day Tommy her son stay at home evading school, he hides in the bedroom closet watching the couple making love. Suddenly Mr. Jeff Dee's husband returned home unexpectedly. Dee put her friend in the bedroom closet.

Tommy whispers: "It's dark in here."
The man replies: "Yes, it is."
Tommy: "Sir, It will cost you 50 bucks!"

Two weeks latter unfortunately Tommy and the man meets again in the same place.
Tommy: "It's dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Tommy: "Second time will cost you 100 bucks."
Man: "That's blackmailing I'll give you only 50 bucks"
Tommy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "Okay, here is the hundred bucks."

The next week Dee found her Tommy in the closet stealing 20 bucks from her handbag
Dee says, "Now I understand where you got the money to buy your games, we are going right now to church, you should make your confess."
Dee pushed Tommy into the confession booth and closes the door.
Tommy says: "It's dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that crap again, now you are in my closet!"

Blooming Tea

One day my friend and me enjoyed a great Japanese Lunch and the waitress offered us to try a cup of tea. She put a gorgeous glass teapot and throw in a bulb of herbs, pure hot water in and we all were gazing the blooming flower.

Now I bought some more bulbs and try them at my place. Every one like that scene, but to tell the truth my cup of tea is Earl grey. Take my advice all the green and black teas are flops and bluffs. Drink tea only with a teaspoon of sugar, don't use sweeteners. Drinking coffee you may use your sweeteners, I am used to drink the strongest coffee you imagine plane.

Making the Tea posy

Spare Change

     Once of the oldest jokes I always like to share is about a couple of lawyers who got bankrupted. They lost their home, their Law License, etc. Tom suggested Dee should start prostituting. By the end of her first day, Dee handed Tom 21 bucks and 25 cents. Tom looked at Dee and asked how come that quarter? Dee "I charged  them a quarter each".

Buying a car for 100,000 bills, the explanation in that clip is clean, but you understand what I mean.

Amazing Money Counting, faster than any machine

Black Money.

Whom you trust the man or the machine.

She Will Kill Me

   Aunt Rose told me that funny story about Dee her next door neighbors daughter. Dee married her second cousin Tomas from Krakow. 

Tomas a Polish man moved to the USA and married his second cousin Dee.

He speaks English but thinks like a Polish, you know what I mean, I called it Polglish:)

After a week Tomas rushed into the neighborhood Police Station. Detective Johnson invite him to his office.

Tomas "My wife Dee will kill me "

Detective Johnson starts investigating the case.

Detective "Have you any grounds?"

Tomas "Yes, an acre and half and nice little home."

Detective "No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

Tomas "It made of concrete."

Detective "I don't think you understand, Does either of you have a real grudge?"

Tomas "No, we have a carport, and not need one."

Detective "I mean what are your relations like?"

Tomas "All my relations still in Poland "

Detective " is your wife a nagger?"

Tomas " No, she white."

Detective "Now please tell me, why do yo suspect Dee is gonna killing you?"

Tomas "She going to poison me, I got proof."

Detective "What kind of proof?"

Tomas "She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom, see here it is."
Now Tomas draw that proof off his pocket showing it to detective Johbson
Tomas "I can read it say Polish Remover"

 

 p.s Once a  Polish man return from the USA to Poland, he will increase the IQ in both countries.

The Tall And The Short Quiz

That Vjoke is with me for almost 49 years, we use to tease each other if you know what I mean.
The quiz about your size so when you tell it to a shorty he became so proud like a rooster, but when you tell this to a tall guy when some chics are hanging around he want to get lost.
Q. What's the difference between that position of the hand, and the other position of the hand?

 pictures source

A. Tall men have a short tail - while shorties have a long tube.

Now listen to one of my favorite songs "Bless Them All"

Now you may watch the movie "The Long and the Short and The Tall" (1961 PG b/w) - Link

Born Again

   My friend sent me that clip about the strange story of James Leininger which may be was born with the skill of connecting souls with the American WW2 Pilot James Huston who was killed at 1945, do you believe in reincarnation?. We heard some evidences like that
I recommend reading his story  Soul Survivor written by his parents Bruce and Andrea Leininger. The parents of James Leininger were first puzzled and then disturbed when their two-year-old son began screaming out chilling phrases during recurrent nightmares, such as, "Plane on fire!  Little man can't get out!" The centerpiece of a loving family of three, James was a happy, playful toddler who had only just begun stringing together sentences.  Determined to understand what was happening to their son, Bruce and Andrea set off on a journey of discovery that was to rock them to their core.  For the more they researched the arcane comments and fragmented details little James revealed, the more they were drawn inescapably to a shocking conclusion:  that James was reliving the life of James Huston, a World War II fighter pilot who was killed in the battle for Iwo Jima--over 60 years ago!  - Source

On Hustlers and Burglars

Mr. Fagin introduced his gang of burglars, pickpockets and street hustlers to Oliver twist.
We have here 15 burglars, 12 pickpockets and 13 street hustlers, 5 of them are also burglars and pickpockets, 6 are also burglars and street hustlers and 4 are also pickpockets and street hustlers. Tom and Dee are my deputies they are professionals, they can do all three jobs.
Now Oliver smart kid, how many kids I am leading with out you?

Oliver Twist - By Charles Dickens read online for free - LINK

Pickpockets

Answer:

Sub Total = (15+12+13)=40, now we will subtract the kids with the two "skills" (5+6+4)=15, but now we will add the two deputies which are multi skilled.

Total=40-15+2=27 kids in Mr. Fagin's Gang now Oliver Twist became No 28.