Our Mistress

   Charles and Vivian, a very nice looking couple in their early 60s, went out for dinner after the opera one night not long ago.  Charles was a very rich and powerful man, a CEO of a well known publicly traded company.  He was well connected politically and he had traveled all over the world and made contacts everywhere.  As Charles and Vivian were discussing the finer points of the opera they had just seen, a beautiful young woman stopped at their table and kissed Charles on the head and said, "I'll see you later, Charley" and dashed away with a big, flirtatious smile.
   Vivian was somewhat taken aback and asked Charles who that was. Charles very  straightforwardly answered that she was his mistress. Vivian was outraged and after making sure that Charles was not joking she flew into a tirade. She theatened that she would sue for divorce, she said she would take him for everything he had and she'd make his life miserable.

   Charles responded very calmly. "Vivian', he said, "you do recall that all the stocks as  well as the house are in my name, don't you?  And you do recall that I and not you are the CEO of the company and if you do start a divorce I will take away your unlimited credit cards and the private plane as well as the yacht and the limousine and you will have no shopping sprees in Paris nor trips into Manhattan with your friends, no parties at the best restaurants, no furs and jewels or nights at the opera".

   Just then Vivian looked across the room and saw one of their best friends, Anthony, sitting at a table and drinking champagne with another young and quite beautiful woman.  "Who is Anthony sitting with over there", asked Vivian, desperate to change the subject.  Charles answered, "That's Anthony's mistress".

Vivian thought very deeply for a minute and then said to Charles, "OUR mistress is much prettier than Anthony's mistress".
Look what will happen if you are not a CEO, see it till the end!!

To my opinion his wife is much more attractive, eh?

** In honor to my best friend Moishe - LEH who is the greatest story tellers among the lawyers and the greatest lawyer among all story tellers.

The Dachshund and the Great Dane

 











  The scene is a vet waiting room.  Two attractive women  are sitting in the waiting room.  The first woman has a little Dachshund on a leash .  The Dachshund is clearly freaking out of his head.  His eyes are bulging and he's shaking all over, breathing hard, in a panic.  The second woman has a leash in her hand and on the other end of the leash is the biggest Great Dane you've ever seen, about a meter and a half at the shoulder.  Like all big dogs, he's just sitting there smiling, with his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

     The Dane sees the Dachshund in this panic and he  leans over and says, "Yo!  My man!  What's up and why the panic"? The Dachshund responds by telling the Dane that the woman has brought him to the vet's office to have him neutered, to have his balls cut off and he can't take it, they're going to make him a eunuch, what a world, what a world, what a world.  Oi! Oi! Oi!

   The Great Dane epxresses appropriate regret and asks why a woman would do such a thing to such a cute little dog.  After some encouragement the Dachshund gives tells his story.  "She has this deep pile, shag carpet in the living room.  I'm built low to the ground and when I walk on the carpet my testicles drag on it and I get excited and I ejaculate  and she screamed that she's just tired of having dog cum all over her expensive deep pile, shag carpet so she's going to have my balls cut off! "Shit, man, I'm awfully sorry to hear that.  Its a sad story, indeed", says the Dane.

    "So why are you here?", asks the Dachshund. "What's you're deal"? "Well," says the Dane, "you see this young and very attractive lady here that's got my leash in her hands?  The other day she was taking a shower and I was waiting in the room just outside when the phone rang.  I guess she was expecting a call because she jumped out of the shower, wrapped in a towel, and picked up the phone right away.  She talked for a minute or two and the towel fell off her and she bent over to pick it up.  I got a real eyeful of what she's got and I couldn't control myself so I jumped on her back and basically fucked her brains out".

   The Dachshund smiles for the first time and slowly says, "Soooooo, they're going to cut your balls off too, eh?" The Dane smiles back and says slowly, inspecting his paws that's he's held up in front of his face, "Nope, just gonna...trim my nails".

**In honor to my best friend Moishe - LEH who is the greatest story tellers among the lawyers and the greatest lawyer among all story tellers.